vigee_le_brun

I'm here. Well, "here" being Boston. I'm now a Bostonian. A freakin' cold Bostonian. I knew I was going to have trouble with the weather, I just didn't know it would start in August. (Temps in mid-60s (!) today.)

I'm exhausted and have been out of touch with everyone, for which I profusely apologize. (Note to quicknow: I just got your VM message, which you apparently left over a week ago. I'm so sorry! I would have loved to have hung out and thank you so much for thinking of me. As it turns out I was already in Boston at the time, so the timing just wasn't right.)

My "vacation" in Baltimore wasn't really much of a vacation btw traveling here to look for apartments and jobs and then spending a bunch of time preparing for the move.

My apartment is quite cute and I love it. My job... okay. I'm still having a lot of issues wrt being staff vs student and the tuition benefit vs. fellowship. It's... frustrating and not really worth getting into. I am a little stressed out about it and with adjusting to a new job and new coworkers (always a tough process for me - I don't like change) I'm exhausted. I already said that didn't I? Well anyway... I'm looking forward to classes starting soon, and I'm hoping to meet some more people (... little bit lonely up here), but given what a horrendous job I'm doing keeping up with my current friends, I don't really feel as though I deserve any more friends. Plus I'm getting a little nervous about this whole working ft and going to school ft.

... I'm really not doing as badly as the above might suggest. It's just an adjustment is all. Boston's a pretty great town and I can tell why people love it here - I'm not quite there yet but I'm sure I will be soon.

So I did what I needed to do re: job versus fellowship conundrum. Which culminated in a long and probably-too-formal-and-demanding email to my potential future employer (who really isn't even that given that he's leaving at the end of August which raises my nervousness level wrt sacrificing my fellowship for a job w/ tuition benefits.... ANYway). So I'll probably get a reply to that before the day is over. So I guess I'm not completely done with that after all. Boo.

Nothing was solved today, but at least I put the wheels in motion a bit and made contact with the departments I need to contact so that is good. I was also able to talk to quite a few people who are in the same boat I (might) be in - working FT while also working toward a graduate degree. According to all of them HR was wrong when they told me I'd have to wait to register - apparently you really only have to wait if not a degree-seeker, otherwise registration is based on how many credits you've already obtained. Which really makes me feel good about how clued in HR is to the schools policies and procedures ::rolls eyes::. Anyway according to them the only really bad thing about being a staff-member-who-takes-classes versus a full-time-student is that your ID card reads "Staff" rather than "Student" so you lose out on student discounts. Which... actually is kinda a bummer. (I still have and use my undergrad ID which doesn't have a date, but I'm starting to look less and less like my picture on that card, which was of course taken 8 years ago.)

The really annoying thing about all of this is that I could easily take the other not-school-related-job that I was offered, make a whole lot more money, retain my full-time student status, and not have to deal with any of this crap. *But* I'm really not convinced that I'd be happy at the other job...

*Why* does *everything* have be so complicated? Why can't just *one thing* about this whole moving/starting school/finding a job extravaganza be cut and dry?

Input:
5 days in a hotel room, sleeping on a roll-away bed
6 Boston-area neighborhoods meticulously explored and categorized
1 6:00am flight from BWI to Logan with a layover at La Guardia
1 delayed return flight arriving in BWI at 12:30am
4 rental agent appointments kept
1 rental agent appointment canceled
1 rental agent appointment made on the fly
16 apartments viewed
5 apartments with promise viewed
13,000 miles (approximately) traversed on foot
17,000 miles (approximately) traversed via car/plane/taxi/subway
Countless one-way CharlieTickets (ie subway) purchased
3 scheduled interviews attended
10 potential employers/co-workers schmoozed
1 very crumpled suit- jacket
1 $230 personal check
1 $3400 bank check

Output:
1 very small, but amazingly located studio apartment
2 lucrative job offers
2 ridiculously exhausted women
1 incredibly over-extended Visa card

So all-in-all, it was a succesful trip.

Yes, I have an apartment! It's a small studio, with a full kitchen and absolutely no counter space. It's really more expensive than I can afford, but it's literally (literally!) across the street from campus and literally (literally!) across the street from Boston Common. If you stand to the left of the window and sort of angle yourself north, you can even see the Common.

And yes, my interviews were fruitful! Of the three, I already have two job offers (an embarrassment of riches, I know.) One pays really well, but could end up being a lot more trouble than it's worth. It's basically the same type of work I've been doing - you know the type of work I'm going to graduate school to *avoid.* And it would probably be more responsibility/ more stressful than I want. I really want to be primarily focused on *school.* Not on working and "taking some classes on the side." But it does pay very, very well.

The other job doesn't pay nearly as well, in fact I'd be making less than I was at my former job. I can live off it, but with my increased expenses, things will be pretty tight. *But* the work is more interesting, and more in-line with what I'd like to eventually end up doing. The biggest plus: it's at my school. Which would reduce commuting time to, well nothing. (Did I mention that my apartment is literally (literally!) across the street?) It would also relieve a little tension wrt the conflict btw work and school. The downside? The benefits include (essentially) complete tuition remission. I can take up to 8 credits (which is my planned course load) for free. This doesn't sound like a downside, you say? Well, here's the thing: FT employees (which I would be) earn the tuition benefit. However, to be considered a FT employee you *cannot* also be a FT student. You cannot take over 8 credits per semester. This holds despite the fact that in my program 8 credits *is* a FT courseload. Nonetheless by accepting the job I would forfeit my FT status. And by doing so would forfeit my fellowship. Purely financially it all comes out in the wash. (And actually I would come out a little ahead by being an employee.) But losing my FT status could affect my registration for future classes: employees have to wait until the first day of classes to register. And I really don't want to lose my fellowship - who's to say that something won't change with the job? I'd be out of work *and* out of tuition money.

The outcome of the trip is incredibly good, but I'm starting to get really nervous and little panicky about this whole job versus fellowship thing. I really *want* the job at the school; the tuition benefit is a nice little bonus (my fellowship actually doesn't cover *full* tuition, I would have to pay out of pocket for the two summer classes I'm going to have to take) but I would take the job without it - even considering the extreme pay differential with the other job I was offered.

I've discussed the issue in depth with my parents, and have a whole plan going forward - it basically involves spending a lot of time on the phone tomorrow with various entities at the school trying to work my way up the ladder to someone with enough authority to grant me an exception and allow my to keep my fellowship and my full-time status despite being a full-time employee. I have no idea how this will end, god knows how much I love talking on the phone (gag) - Tomorrow's going to be oh-so-much fun.

(And oh-my-god, I basically have to move in two weeks. Too soon! Too soon! I am so not ready.)

But to end on a happy note! Apartment: found! Job offers: obtained!
Thank you all so much for your good wishes and positive thoughts - they worked!

(And if I survive tomorrow I get a whole weekend where I don't have to worry about jobs or apartments or moving or any of that stuff - all I have to focus on is the fate of Harry, Ron and Hermione and the location of those blasted horcruxes.)

Am off to Boston (on a freakin' 5:50 am flight!) to apartment-hunt and job-interview. Wish me luck.

Am much more nervous about the apartment hunting than the job interviews. Probably because I actually *want* a place to live for the next two years. A full-time job? Not so much.

(Of course the fact that I *need* a job probably should be playing some role...)

I've been away from my computer all day - one of the few days where that happens - and have just now heard about the VA Tech shooting.

I have two cousins in school at Tech.

I'm sure they're fine, but...

I'm not a religious person but I'm going to be doing the closest thing in the world to praying until I hear for sure.

ETA: They're fine, as are their friends. Thank god. Oddly, my sister was supposed to go down to Blacksburg this coming weekend to visit them. She might still go, unless things are still crazy down there.

I'm so excited about the start of baseball season that I actually watched all nine innings of the Opening Night Cardinals-Mets game. They're not only not-my-teams, that's not even my league.

I'm so ready for this. Spring training ball, while fun in it's own lazy-just-throwin'-the-ball-around way, gets tiresome by the end.

O's against the Twins, tonight at 7!!

And next week! O's open at home against the Tigers! And I'll be there!

Can. Not. Wait.

All right. I've calmed myself down a little bit. There's no reason for me to even be thinking about making a decision until I receive aid information from NYU. I have to be comparing apples to apples here.

It's just that work is kinda all up in the air right now, what with Co-worker leaving (and me taking over the majority of her tasks until we can hire someone), our big spring Gala coming up, and a Silent Auction Chair that... well, let's just say we had an only half-joking conversation about how exactly one does go about hiring a hit man.

So anyway, weird morning. Going to email NYU to find out when I'm supposed to hear from them and if I'd hear about grants at the same time as loans. *Then* I'll resume wallowing in a turbulent sea of indecision and trepidation.

Yup, sounds like a plan.

So right after returning from my visiting-NYU-trip, a receive word that I've been granted a fellowship by Emerson. It's not a full ride, unfortunately, but it's merit aid with no work component and is, according to the email their "most prestigious award."

This is good.

But I think I'm even more confused than I was when I woke up this morning. I just... I don't know what to do. $ is a huge consideration, but it hurts me to give up the idea of living in NYC. On the other hand, I didn't come away from this weekend totally convinced that NYU was the best place for me. I don't think it's *not* the place I should be, either.

I really, really don't know what to do.

I have to pack, but I hate packing, so I decided to post instead. I also have to send one email (yes, that's the entirety of my evening - pack and send one email. I think I'm going to miss these evenings next year when I'm working FT and going to school FT) But I can't send the email because for some reason I can't log on to my work email account, and I'm not about to start communicating with grad school type people through my had-it-since-high-school-and-has-a-cutesy-story-behind-it personal email address. And, oh yeah, the email address I need to send said email to is saved on my work account. *WHY* won't it let me log in? Two things to do tonight and I'm being thwarted from completly one and am too lazy to accomplish the other.

Work is depressing. I have run totally and completely out of anything even closely resembling motivation. I'd honestly quit tomorrow and starting looking for another job in my (soon-to-be) New City were it not for this lease-thing I have. Three more months, I've gotta make it three more months.

To make work matters worse, I just found out one of my coworkers (yet another coworker) is leaving. Our dept. is stretched so thin as it is, we're all about to lose our collective minds. And losing this position is (inevitably) going to pile a lot more work on me, at least in the short term. Joy. I'm in such a weird place right now: I know for a fact that I'm going to be leave; I even know that I'm planning on my last day being June 29, but it's so far out that I still can't really tell anyone. I'm chomping at the bit here, but I really feel the earliest I can/should give notice is early May. I just don't know - I want to give everyone enough time to plan around my absence, but I don't want to give *too* much notice. Added to that is the fact that this grad school thing has been in the works for so long, that it's getting really hard for me to keep it quite. I don't know if I'm even really accomplishing that that well as it is. I'm going up to NYC this weekend to visit NYU and am having to give that vague "going to visit friends" excuse. I'm sure they can see right through it.

Oddly, coworker-who-is-leaving is leaving for a job in NYC. So if I end up there (looking more and more likely...) I'll have someone I know and like nearby. Though she'll precede me by 4 months and I know I'm going to miss her terribly until then. And not just because of what that's going to mean at work; she's sorta my work-pal - our jobs are the most closely entwined and our desks are right next to one another. So I'll be stressed and overworked *and* lonely. ::sigh::

But on the plus side I'm really looking forward to this weekend. Not only does it mean Friday off, but NYU has somehow edged itself to the first position on the list, so unless something goes horribly wrong, I'll be visiting my Future School. We shall see.

(And just as fair warning, I can pretty much guarantee that any post I make in the next couple of months will either be me complaining about work or blathering about grad school. Fair warning.)

Okay - I'm off to try to log into my work email again and then make some small progress on the packing thing.

ETA: Success! Email has been sent! Packing... still working on it.

Am home today kinda, sorta sick but mostly worn down and fed up (which you would think would strike some sort of equilibrium but, surprisingly, does not). Despite being exhausted yesterday, I couldn't get to sleep so I think a day of lying around in sweatpants was most definitely called for. My goals for the day are to write a boat-load of emails I've been putting off (which, gosh-darn-it I *will* get to today) and get down to the gym for at least a moderate work out (which I probably *won't* get to today - though I should: I always feel so "off" when I skip a day. Though maybe I should give my body a day of rest given the whole "worn down" thing. We'll see. /rationalizing laziness.) Regardless, I'm calling today a write-off.

I watched "The Black Donnellys" on Monday due to all the praise I saw for it on my flist. Despite the fact that it's exactly the type of show I normally don't like (violent, male-dominated, focused on crime and the "seedy underbelly" of whatever*) I really enjoyed it. Though I do have some misgivings:

1) I fear the women featured on the show will all fall into the predictable roles of "girlfriend" or "mother" and I wasn't really impressed with what I saw in the pilot. I get that the environment being explored is completely (and understandably) male-dominated, but from a personal POV I need strong female characters (or at least not boring cookie-cutter female roles) to hold my interest. But they had *a lot* of story that needed to be set up in the pilot, so they get a pass for a few episodes before I pass judgment on this aspect.

2)I'm curious to see how/if they're able to sustain the story over the course of atelevision season. Particularly due to the time-juggling that went on in the pilot. (The major events in the pilot took place a year or two in the "past" (ie a year or two before the interrogation that was used as a framing device) right?) Was the pilot episode used as an introductory backstory technique and we'll now jump to the present day? Or is the series going to continue to develop (for lack of better phrasing) in the past tense? Either way I wonder if the writers have the series meticulously planned out or, if not, how this will actually play out on screen. Just from the pilot it seems to be that this show might have worked better as a mini-series or limited run series.

3)Connected to the time issues discussed above, I had a bit of a hard time following some parts of the show: the time-line stuff, some of the characters' roles (it took me until the end of the show to figure out exactly who/what Chris Bauer's character was), and I kept getting the brothers all mixed up. But I'm...kinda stupid like that.

But overall it was an enjoyable hour. I was impressed with the ways little bits of humor were woven throughout the show, despite the rather bleak subject matter. That's usually one of my biggest complaints about "gritty" shows - life is funny and I hate and cannot deal with unrelenting grimness.

Long story short, I will continue to watch.


In real life news - my father got a new job, going back to work in the field he left about 3-4 years ago. Everyone is happy about this (primarily for financial reasons) but I sense discontent on my dad's part. He'll have to give up a lot of the flexibility that he enjoys in his current job and he'll have to go back to traveling, at least a couple of times a month. These are big reasons why he got out of that field in the first place. But his current job never really panned out the way he'd hoped, so he's going back. It *is* a good thing. It seems like a good job, much more security, he'll be a regional manager, seems like a good company. But I do think he's a little disappointed, and I'm a little disappointed for him. It's particularly hard because Mom is so excited about it (this takes a lot of financial pressure off of her and her business.) Mostly, though, I just feel a little sad that my poor dad - who has worked incredibly hard his whole life, is starting over *again* at the age of 59. This is the time he should be able to slow down, enjoy himself, start thinking about retirement - but I think we're coming to the realization that my father is never really going to be able to retire. I mean it's not like he's a coalminer or anything - I do believe he enjoys working - but I also don't think this is how he envisioned this part of his life playing out.

Then again, maybe I'm just projecting. I counted up how many weeks of work I have until I plan on leaving. *17 weeks* (At this point I'm planning to stay until the end of the fiscal year, which happens to coincide with end of my lease. This'll give me some time off before I move to whereever I'm going to move, at which point I'll have a few weeks to start work there and get all my living arrangement situated before school starts. But everything is subject to change.) I don't completely hate my job (thank god) but I'm so over it, that 17 weeks seems like an enternity.

But enough about that. I have to go write emails.

*Yeah, yeah, I know. I've always said Homicide was a very strange anomaly.

So when last we met I was prepping for the GREs... as to how that went - eh, let's just say I haven't actually opened my official score report and have no plans do so...ever. Yeah.

*But* ultimately I don't care one iota, because, as it turns out, I accepted at both of the schools I applied to.

(yay!)

I'm truly thrilled, and incredibly excited about the prospect of grad school in the fall. It doesn't hurt matters that I'm pretty well fed up with my current job and would happily quit tomorrow were it not for the whole "have a lease" and "need to eat" thing I've got going on. The fact that there is now a light at the end of the tunnel (even if that tunnel is 4 months long) helps immensely.

The fun/scary part of being accepted at both schools is that I now have a *choice*. This is fun because I didn't really have a choice when it came to undergrad. (Technically I guess I did have a choice, but as soon as I got my acceptance to Duke - and didn't get one from my first choice school - it was pretty obvious to all where I would end up.) This is scary because... I have a *choice.* Yikes. There are tremendous pros to both schools, and very few cons for either. Mostly the cons have to do with the fact that School A isn't School B and School B isn't School A. Which is to say - I guess there's really no bad outcome here. Either school would be great, and I know that. But while looked at from one perspective that takes the pressure off a bit, it also makes the decision ust that much harder. I honestly have absolutely no idea how I'm going to decide. I think I'm already in love with both schools/programs. Any and all advice for approaching such a decision would be welcomed.

Of course, I still have to wait and hear about financial aid - that, obviously, is going to play the biggest role in determining where I go. God knows if I'm offered significantly more aid from one school that school will automatically become "the one." (Though I have my doubts that will happen - I'm just praying I get some sort of aid from somewhere.) And I also need to visit School A - I was able to get to an "open house" for School B last fall - so that I'm sure that I'm evaluating the schools on an equal footing.

Paralyzing indecision aside: I got into grad school! Both of them!!

I can now state with total confidence that come this August I will be living in New York City! Or Boston! Or New York. Or Boston....

Well, I'll be moving.

So you see, I'm not dead.

I am, however, scheduled to take the GREs at 12:30 tomorrow afternoon, after which I just might be.

Think good thoughts.

Melissa Leo is scheduled to appear (as a guest star) in the pilot of Shark, James Woods' new lawyer show that premieres tonight at 10pm on CBS (? - I think?).

Why Ms. Leo insists on appearing in shows I have absolutely no interest in watching is beyond me. She really must cut that out.

Well I really liked it. Granted I'm predisposed to liking it but I really did. It's a pilot of course, and it's not perfect. It was a little frantic and little disjointed in spots, but I enjoyed it and am quite pleased.

Amanda Peet was absolutely *horrible* but I'll give her two more shows to adjust to the Sorkinese. (I'm being generous cause I'm still punchy over here.) Sarah Paulson's lisp is going to drive me nuts, and I really wish there were one more regular female character played by a really strong actor (there ain't no Allison Janney or Felicity Huffman* here, babe) but overall I'm pleased. Can't wait for it to really hit its stride.


*Okay so, yeah, there *was* Felicity Huffman there, but you know what I mean.


And now I *really* have to go to bed.

ETA: Seriously, Amanda Peet? Thinking about it a little bit more and I really think that was one of the worst performances I've ever seen by a professional actor not named Michael Michele. She was just *that* bad. Did her tone of voice change *at all* over the course of the show? Her expression only changed one or two times and both times it was as if someone called out from off stage, "And now you're looking around for your office...you don't know where it is...and one-two-three - face falls!" Urghh. And honestly I came into this thinking good thoughts about Amanda Peet, I was much more worried about the blonde lisping Christian. Okay, okay two more episodes before passing final judgment, Vigee.

Oh my god. Amanda Peet *sucks.*

Maybe it was just one bad act. Maybe she'll get better.

::cringes:: ::hopes::

- I'm so tired I can't see straight. Literally: my eyes are crossing of their own accord. This is for no reason in particularly, I just haven't slept well the past two nights. I mean I've slept fine once I've gotten to sleep, I've just been having a hard time convincing my body that, yes, it does want to sleep. Particularly because the time my body finally decides that it will listen to me in no way affects the time I have to force that same body to wake up the next morning. I should just go to bed right now, but Studio 60 (I refuse to call it by it's full name; I think it's silly) premieres tonight and if I've held out this long from downloading it, goddamn it, I want to see it on the big screen. Err... medium-sized screen.

-One of the reason's I haven't been able to get to sleep lately is because in the past few weeks I've really started to dig into the process of applying to graduate school, and I am just. so. freaking. excited. My mind has been racing, filled with lists of everything I need to research/write/request/ask and - in stark contrast to what it was like when I applied to undergrad 8 years ago (*8*??? Holy...) I'm actually excited and thrilled and *really* looking forward to this. I'm even looking forward to writing my personal statements. I've *voluntarily* made long-distance calls to people I don't know (a very big deal for me.) Yes, this is how I know I'm ready for this. The idea of going back to school now (or rather, next year) just feels so right. This is a totally different experience from undergrad and I thank god for that. I am so glad I waited, didn't rush right into grad school after college just because. This whole "feeling sure about the future" thing is Awesome.

-The grad program I first discovered a couple of months ago is still The Program, but after doing a little research I found a similar program at another school that looks pretty interesting too. I mean it's really the same kind of program, it's just a bit smaller, at a smaller school, in a different city. Maybe not *quite* as prestigious, but it's still a good school and I think it'll make a great "second choice." Unlike the school that houses The Program, I'm only vaguely familiar with school-number-two (and the city it's in) so I can't really get too excited about it until I talk to the people there and visit and all that. But all in all, I'm happy with the two programs, and I honestly think two is pretty good number for me to apply to. I don't want to go to a school or enter a program just because I decided I wanted to go to grad school and that was where they accepted me. Been there, done that. Bad idea. I'd rather apply to two perfect or nearly-perfect programs, get rejected and move on, than apply to a bunch of would-be-okay programs and end up somewhere I wasn't really excited about.

-Only problem with school-number-two? They require the GRE. The Program doesn't. Actually this is not really a bad thing. I'm an incredibly good standardized test taker, always have been, so it's not like I'm really too concerned about the test. In fact I'm more concerned about the fact that The Program doesn't want it - test scores have always been my ace in the hole. I'm just a little annoyed that this means one more hoop I have to jump through during the admission process (not to mention more $ - has anyone ever been able to figure out how it was we as a people succumbed to the idea that we have to *pay* to take tests and apply to schools? We *pay* for the privilege of stressing out over a 3 hour test and we pay for the privilege of potentially being rejected from a school after spending weeks struggling to put together the perfect application. What a racket.) Really, it's not the test itself, it's the fact that I'm so excited about this thing that I just want it all to happen *NOW* I want to visit the schools, and talk to the professors, and write out my applications and send them in and find out their decisions and do the whole thing right *NOW.* The fact that I have to work all of the above around my job and other obligations is driving me *crazy.*

-I'm so tired right now I actually feel high. This is isn't exactly atypical for me; I get really punchy and nutso when I'm sleep deprived. In school I used to purposely deprive myself of sleep the night before any audition I was nervous about. I'm funnier, looser, and less inhibited when I've been up an untold number of hours. It doesn't work if I'm just sleepy; I've gotta be going on, like 2-3 hours sleep max. I guess this must be what it's like to be drunk - really, once I figured that out I think I started to understand "social drinkers" a little better.

-Am going to Baltimore this weekend, and will hopefully see quicknow I'm forcing her to come to a baseball game with me b/c it's the last O's homestand of the season. I promise we can other things too! Any other Baltimore-area people who want in are more than welcome. As it is - if everyone who has expressed interest follows through and we end up getting together on the same night (I'm such a baseball geek I'm actually going to try to get to a minimum of two games this weekend) - I will have put together one of the oddest collections of people ever. Not that the people themselves are odd, (okay some of the people are odd...) but the intermingling of the various parts will be very very weird. Or very very cool. We shall see.

Ugh.

I have such an intense, visceral dislike of Mariska Hargitay (or whatever her stupid name is) that I actually tuned into the Emmy Awards last night for the specific purpose of rooting *against* her. I was just barely getting used to the idea that people seem to think she's worthy of recognition for her "acting" - helped along by the fact that it seems a general consensus that Emmy nominations this year were royally screwed up - when she actually (oh my god I can't believe I actually have to type this) won the Emmy.

can't stand her, can't stand her, can't STAND her

flames, on the side of my face


She's probably an incredibly wonderful person - but she is a horrible actress, and, frankly not nearly as pretty as she's made out to be. *Why,* exactly, does she garner as much attention as she does? She's a shitty actress, on a shitty show, who vaguely resembles a bulldog. I don't get it.

okay, whew, now I feel better

Forgot to mention:

Reason #49736 Why I Love Theater:

It's the only context in the world in which a 40-something married father of two can repeatedly compliment your legs and it *not* be skeevy.

Seriously, it was just kinda sweet.



(Okay, yeah, mostly I posted this because I wanted to brag about the fact that I was told I had "great legs." Hey, I'm only human over here; I don't get compliments like that very often, damn straight I'm going to record them when I do.)

I'm still here! I promise I'm not dead! I think I may be "around" a bit more than I've been lately - we just had our last performance of the FringeFest so my weeknights are once again my own.

For those not in know - I was stage-managing a short play that premiered at the Capitol Fringe Fest. So this past month or so I've been running around going to rehearsals, putting together playbills, building the hood of a Cadillac... All that is over now, as we had the final performance today, struck the set (ie threw everything in a giant dumpster) and ate an enormous amount of Chinese food. And now I'm in that bittersweet state of being glad that I once again have free evenings but sad that I'm probably not going to see most of these people again. It's a cliche, but you do become something of a family when you're working on a play together - an ephemeral family because everyone knows that as intense as the bond becomes over the run of the show, it's designed to slip away as soon as the house lights come up for the final time. In a way I kinda enjoy that part of it - intense bonding without long term responsibility, constant change, the emotional rollercoaster - some people are built for that and feed off of it. I'm definitely one of them. It melds exactly with my desire to form intense connections and feel a part of a group without having to give my whole self over to someone else. Plus I just plain like myself more when I'm in a theatrical situation - I don't know how or why but I'm wittier, funnier, more open and more opinionated, more creative, just *more* when I'm in the midst of a production and surrounded by other theater people. Even if I'm just stage-managing or have a tiny walk-on part - I'm a better version of me when I'm creating theater. God, I love it *so* *much.*

So anyway I'm "back" for the time being - though, actually I'm headed up the Bawlmer tomorrow for the O's/White Sox game (Floppy Hat Night!) and will probably be up there until Monday. *Then* I'll be back.

Remind me to post about the Great BedBug Infestation of '06. On second thought, don't. I'm not really sure any of us need to relive that little adventure.

Oh! My visit to Cooperstown? (Which I alluded to in my incredible self-indulgent picture post a while back?) Was *fantastic*! Total baseball fan's dream. Just a quick snapshot: Dad and I wandered over to Doubleday Field (after spending 9 hours in the HOF) and wandered right into the middle of a baseball game! We got to watch a baseball game at Doubleday Field! Best Birthday present ever!
(The previous message was brought to you by the Society! Of! Overused! Exclamation! Points!)

Went to my bookclub last night, we read In Cold Blood and had, what I think was, a good discussion.

(If you're curious, my opinion of the book (and no, I have not seen Capote: It was over-sold to me. A solidly good book that I enjoyed parts of but that kinda petered out toward the end. It wasn't TheBestTrueCrimeBookEver! I've read better (actually Homicide: A Year on the Killing Streets was loads better.) It was just the first. I ended up really wanting to read more about the Clutters and the town's reaction to murders than I did about the killers. But you could tell Capote really got caught up Perry, and it affected the book. Didn't make it bad per se, just different than I wanted.)

Saw a few people at book club that hadn't been in a few months - and, you know, I really don't think I've lost as much weight as other people seem to think. There have been an excessive amount of comments on it recently. Not just at the bookclub but my mom's friends that I saw at the beach in April. It seems like the first thing everybody says to me now are: "oh my god you lost so much weight.!" "you look a lot thinner" "How much weight did you lose?" I mean not only did my friend from college that I saw in the Spring say something, but her girlfriend - who I'd met a grand total of *one time* a year and a half previously - the very first words out of her mouth when I met up with them where, "You got skinny!"

Honestly, I really don't the change has been at all drastic, and all the comments are starting to wig me out a bit. NOt that I don't appreciate the sentiments and the complements, but - I really don't think I'm all that thin/skinny now. I think I look pretty average. And frankly, I really don't think I was all that fat before. I was overweight, maybe "pudgy" but I *never* though of myself as "fat." But all these comments are making me very very cognizant of my body. To the point I'm terrified of slipping up and not getting my daily exercise or eating things I shouldn't be. It really is very weird, I mean to hear everyone talk, I was either this bohemoth cow a few years ago or I'm now half-way to an eating disorder. There was a moment last night when I honestly started to wonder if my perception of my body and my actual body were not in sync.

Very disconcerting